Control of anger
“And those who suppress their
anger and are forgiving to people and Allah loves the doers of
good.”
Allah (SWT) has explained three qualities of His special servants in
this verse;
1. They swallow their pride,
2. They forgive the mistakes of Our servants,
3. They not only forgive others who harm them, but also
do acts of kindness for them. Allah loves such people.
Together with this Allah (SWT) has provided the prescription for
curing the deadly disease of anger in the above verse Allah (SWT)
states; “Wal Kadhimeenal Ghayzha”, “Those who suppress their anger.”
This refers to those who suppress their anger. Anger per se, is not
evil but the incorrect usage thereof is.
If anger itself were evil, the word ‘annihilate’ would be used and
not ‘suppress’. The commentators of the Qur’ãn explain that Allah (SWT)
did not use the words ’Those who annihilate their anger.” because
the absence of anger is neither meant nor desired. Anger has to
remain within one because Allah has created it for a purpose. What
is requires, is the correct usage of anger at the correct times, on
the appropriate occasions.
Some people request Duã’s that no evil thoughts occur to them, so
that desire and demand to fulfil desires become totally non
existent. This is immaturity. The actual achievement is to be able
to please Allah (SWT) in spite of being assailed by desires. One has
to learn to transform the forceful flow of desires flowing through
the veins into the life blood of Taqwa.
One who endures difficulties to substantiate his friendship will be
deemed a friend to the extent of the difficulties endured. The
greater the trials and tribulations endured the greater will be the
friendship. Fleeing from the dictates of the Nafs or being overcome
by them is proof of our reluctance to tolerate to endure
difficulties in the way of Allah. How then, can we lay claim to
love? A right, a demand of love is to please the beloved at every
cost.
Therefore, notwithstanding the fact that desires demand
disobedience, do not be derailed from the duty of love. Persevere in
the face of all demands, drill the core of the heart and draw the
deeply embedded love that lurks within. If desires were to be
annihilated, how will one at the appropriate time, fulfil one’s
conjugal rights. In short, the usage has to be controlled, has to be
appropriate.
The noble scholars of Islam teach that the objective is not the
eradication of evil traits but the channeling and correct usage
thereof. Innate, inborn characteristics cannot be wiped out but can
be re-directed. If for example one has an excess of anger, before
rectification, such anger was used to further one’s selfish needs
and desires. On occasions when one is told something unpalatable,
all control is lost. Anger immediately came to the fore. Now, after
Islãh (reformation), the direction taken by anger changes. Now anger
is expressed on occasions when Allah (SWT) is disobeyed, against the
demands of the nafs. Anger is still present but has changed
direction, it has become praiseworthy, it has become meritorious.
Remember the advice of the Messenger of
Allah (SAW). Abu Hurayrah (SAW) reported that a man came to the
Prophet (SAW) and said: “Advise me.” He said: “Do not become angry.”
The man repeated his request several times, and each time the
response was, “Do not become angry.” (Bukhari)
According to another report, the man said, “I thought about what the
Prophet (SAW) had said, and I realized that anger is the source of
all evil.” (Ahmad).
“Do not get angry, and Paradise will be yours.” (al-Tabaraani).
Remembering what Allah (SWT) has promised to those who avoid the
causes of anger and strive to control themselves is the best way to
extinguish the flames of anger. The Prophet (SAW) has told us about
this great reward:
“Whoever suppresses his anger at the time when he could express it
openly, Allah will fill his heart with contentment on the Day of
Resurrection.” (al-Tabaraani).
Another immense reward is described in the Hadith: “Whoever
suppresses his anger when he is able to vent it, Allah will call him
before all the people on the Day of Resurrection and let him choose
whoever of the hoor al-‘iyn he wishes.” (Abu Dawood).
Knowing the high rank and distinction that is bestowed upon the one
who controls himself. The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said,
“The strong man is not the one who can wrestle another to the
ground; the strong man is the one who can control himself when he is
angry.” (Ahmad).
The more angry a person gets, the more highly valued is his
self-control. The Prophet (SAW) said:
“The real strong man is the one who gets intensely angry, so that
his face reddens and his hair stands on end, but he suppresses his
anger.” (Ahmad).
The Prophet (SAW) used an incident that took place in front of his
Sahabah as an opportunity to reinforce this lesson. Anas (RA)
reported that the Prophet (SAW) passed by some people who were
wrestling, and asked, “What is this?” They told him, “So-and-so is a
strong man. No one challenges him but he beats them at wrestling.”
The Prophet (SAW) said,
“Shall I not tell you who is stronger than him? A man who is
mistreated by another, but suppresses his anger, has defeated his
own shaytan and the shaytan of the one who mistreated him.” (al-Bazzaar).
How to control anger
Seeking refuge with Allah from the
Shaitan
Sulaymaan ibn Sard (RA) said: “I was sitting with the Prophet (SAW),
and there were two men swearing at one another. One of them was red
in the face and the veins of his neck were standing out. The Prophet
(SAW) said: ‘I know a word which, if only he would say it, this
(anger) would leave him. If he said, “A’oodhu billaahi min al-shaytaan
(I seek refuge with Allah from the Shaitan),”, this [anger] would
leave him.’” (Bukhari).
He (SAW) also said: “If a man gets angry and says ‘A’oodhu billah (I
seek refuge with Allah),’ his anger will cease.”
Keeping quiet
The Messenger (SAW) said: “If any one of you gets angry, let him
keep quiet.” (Ahmad)
Anger usually makes a person lose control, often to the extent that
he may utter words of kufr (Allah forbid), or curses, or the word of
divorce (talaq) which will destroy his family, or foul language that
will earn him the enmity of others. Keeping quiet is the way to
avoid all of these evils.
Keeping still
The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said: “If any one of you gets angry,
let him sit down if he is standing. If his anger goes away, (that is
good) otherwise let him lie down.”
The narrator of this hadeeth was Abu Dharr (RA), who told the
following story: he was watering his animals at a trough, when some
other people came along. He said, “Who among you will help Abu Dharr
to water his animals and ....?” A man said, “I will,” but he broke
the trough. Abu Dharr was standing, so he sat down, then he lay
down. Someone asked him, “O Abu Dharr, why did you sit down then lie
down?” He said, “Because the Messenger of Allah (SAW) said … [and
quoted the Hadith].” (Ahmad)
According to another report, Abu Dharr (RA) was watering his animals
at a trough when another man made him angry, so he sat down… (Fayd
al-Qadeer al-Mannaawi).
One of the benefits of this Prophetic teaching is that it prevents
the angry person from doing something crazy and out of control. An
angry person could inflict harm or even kill – as we shall see
shortly – or he could destroy property and so on. Sitting down makes
it less likely that he will explode in this fashion, and lying down
makes it even less likely that he will do something reckless or
harmful. Al-‘Allaamah al-Khattaabi (rh) said in his commentary on
Abu Dawood: “The one who is standing is ready to move and destroy
things. The one who is sitting is less likely to do so, and the one
who is lying is not able to do anything of the sort. It seems that
the Prophet (SAW) commanded the angry person to sit down or lie down
in order to prevent him from doing anything that he would later
regret. And Allaah knows best.” (Abu Dawood)
Following the guidance of the Prophet (SAW) with regard to anger
He(SAW) is our example, and his attitude towards anger is clearly
demonstrated in many ahaadeeth, of which one of the most famous was
reported by Anas (RA), who said: “I was walking with the Messenger
of Allah (SAW), and he was wearing a Najraani cloak with a stiff
collar. He was accosted by a Bedouin who pulled his cloak roughly. I
looked at the Prophet’s (SAW) neck and saw the marks left by the
collar. The Bedouin said: ‘O Muhammad, give me some of the wealth of
Allah that you have!’ The Prophet (SAW) turned to him and smiled,
and ordered that he should be given something.” (al-Bazzaar).
Another way in which we may follow the example of the Prophet (SAW)
is by making our anger for the sake of Allah (SWT), when the limits
set by Allah (SWT) are violated. This is the worthy kind of anger.
The Prophet (SAW) became angry when he was told about the imaam who
was putting people off praying because his recitation was too long.
He became angry when he saw a curtain decorated with pictures of
animate creatures in ‘Aisha’s (RA) house. He became angry when
Usamah (RA) spoke to him about the Makhzoomi woman who was guilty of
theft, and said to him, “Are you interceding concerning one of the
punishments prescribed by Allah?” He became angry when he was asked
questions he disliked. His anger was only for the sake of Allah (SWT).
Know that suppressing anger is one of the signs of taqwa (piety)
Allah (SWT) has praised certain people in His Book, and the Prophet
(SAW) highly commended them. There have been prepared for them
Gardens as wide as the heavens and the earth. One of their
characteristics is that they
“… spend (in Allah’s Cause - deeds of charity, alms, etc.) in
prosperity and in adversity, who repress anger, and who pardon men;
verily, Allah loves Al-Muhsinun (the good-doers).” (Al-Imran
3:134)
These are the people whose good qualities Allaah has mentioned,
people whom others admire and want to catch up with. Another of
their characteristics is that
“...when they are angry, they forgive.” (Ash-Shura
42:37)
Paying attention when one is reminded
Anger is something natural, with regard to which people differ. It
may be very hard for a person not to get angry, but a sincere
person, if he becomes angry and is reminded about Allah (SWT), will
remember Him and will stay within the limits that He has prescribed.
Some examples of this follow.
Ibn ‘Abbaas (RA) reported that a man asked permission to see ‘Umar
(RA), and permission was given. The man said, “O son of al-Khattaab,
by Allah, you are not giving us much, and you are not ruling us
fairly!” ‘Umar (RA) became so angry that he was about to hit the
man, but al-Hirr ibn Qays (who was among the people sitting with
‘Umar) said, “O Ameer al-Mu’mineen, Allah said to His Prophet (SAW):
'Show forgiveness, enjoin what is good, and turn away from the
foolish (i.e., don’t punish them).’ (Al-A'raf 7:199), and this man
is one of the foolish.” By Allah, ‘Umar (RA) did not take the matter
any further when this was recited to him. He adhered to the words of
Allah (SWT) (Bukhari).
This is how the Muslim should be, not like the evil hypocrite who,
when he got angry and was told about the hadeeth of the Prophet
(SAW), and was advised by one of the Companions of the Prophet (SAW)
to seek refuge with Allaah from the Shaytaan, said, “Do you think
there is something wrong with me? Do you think I am crazy? Go away!”
(Bukhari, al-Fath, 1/465).
We seek refuge with Allah (SWT) from failure. Ameen!
Knowing the bad effects of anger
The bad effects of anger are many, harming both the self and others.
A person may swear and utter obscenities, and may hit others,
lashing out with no control. It may even lead to killing. The
following story contains a lesson.
‘Alqamah ibn Waa’il reported that his father (may Allah be pleased
with him) told him: “I was sitting with the Messenger of Allah (SAW)
when a man came along, leading another by a twisted rope. He said,
‘O Messenger of Allah, this man killed my brother.’ The Messenger of
Allah (SAW) asked, ‘Did you kill him?’ He said, ‘Yes, I killed him.’
He asked, ‘How did you kill him?’ He said, ‘He and I were hitting
trees to make the leaves fall (so we could use them for animal
fodder). He swore at me, so I got angry and hit him on the side of
the head with an axe, and I killed him.’…” (Muslim)
Even if anger does not go as far as this, there may still be broken
bones and injuries. If the person with whom a man is angry runs
away, he may turn his anger upon himself, tearing his clothes,
slapping his cheeks, falling unconscious, or breaking dishes and
furniture.
One of the worst things that result from anger and cause social ills
and family breakdown is talaq (divorce). Ask many of those who have
divorced their wives how and when it happened, and they will tell
you, “It was in a moment of anger.”
Lives are shattered and children are lost as a result. Feelings of
regret and failure haunt people’s minds, and life becomes bitter –
all because of anger. If only they had remembered Allah (SWT) and
come back to their senses, restrained their anger and sought refuge
with Allah (SWT) from the Shaitan, what happened would not have
happened. Going against shari'ah only ever results in loss.
The physical harm that results from anger is very serious, as the
doctors describe, such as thrombosis, high blood pressure, fatal
heart attacks, diabetes, etc.
The angry person should think about himself at the time of anger
If the angry person could see himself in the mirror at the time of
anger, he would despise himself and how he looks when his color
changes, he shakes uncontrollably, his face reddens, the veins of
his neck stand out and he behaves like a crazy person. He would be
put off by his own appearance, but it is well known that the
ugliness that exists inside a person is even worse than any that may
appear on the outside. How happy the Shaitan must be when someone is
in this state!
Du’a
This is the believer’s constant weapon. He asks his Lord to rid him
of evils, problems and bad characteristics, and he seeks refuge with
Allah (SWT) from falling into the pit of kufr and wrongdoing caused
by anger, because one of the three qualities which will save a
person from Hellfire is being just and fair both at times of
contentment and at times of anger. One of the du’aa’s of the Prophet
(SAW) was:
“Allaahumma bi ‘ilmika’l-ghaybi wa qudratika ‘ala’l-khalqi aheeni ma
‘alimta’l-hayaata khayran li, wa tawaffani idha ‘alimta’l-wafaata
khayran li. Allaahumma wa as’aluka khashyataka fi’l-ghaybi
wa’l-shahaadah, wa as’aluka kalimat al-ikhlaasi fi’l-ridaa
wa’l-ghadab, wa as’aluka’l-qasda fi’l-faqri wa’l-ghinaa, wa as’aluka
na’eeman la yanfad, wa qurrata ‘aynin la tanqati’, wa
as’aluka’l-ridaa bi’l-qadaa’, wa as’aluka bard al-‘aysh ba’d al-mawt,
wa as’aluka ladhdhat al-nadhr ila wajhika wa’l-shawqa ilaa liqaa’ik,
fi ghayri darraa’ mudirrah wa laa fitnati mudillah. Allaahumma
zayyinnaa bi zeenati’l-eemaan wa’j’alnaa hudaatan muhtadeen"
(O Allah, by Your knowledge of the Unseen and Your power over all
creation, keep me alive so long as You know life is good for me, and
bring about my death when you know death is good for me. O Allah, I
ask You to make me fear You in secret and in the open, I ask You to
make me speak sincerely at times of contentment and at times of
anger, I ask You to make me be moderate in poverty and in wealth, I
ask You for a blessing that does not end, contentment that never
ceases, and for acceptance of Your decree. I ask You for a good life
after death, and I ask You for the joy of looking upon Your face and
the longing to meet You, with no harmful adversity or misleading
trial (fitnah). O Allah, adorn us with the beauty of faith, guide us
and let us be a means of guidance for others).” (al-Nisaa’i).
Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds. |
